Here it is.

So I've been at school fo a complete tweleve and a half hours. I've decided that I no longer want to be at school in these large amounts of chunks. It only leaves me groggy and nutritionally unbalanced. No wonder I'm so sleep deprived and wore down. I don't know what color my eyes are anymore because they are so red and dark around them. This is by far the hardest semester here academically. I find myself unable to concentrate and even carry out everyday tasks because I don't even know which way I'm going. I'm so lost with this.

Today.

Enough Said. 

September September.

This past week has been one for the books. I've had a migraine that I would have been better off dead with, blood pressure medicine that makes me keel, popcorn days!!!, and birthdays of sisters. It's been an interesting few days, but I miss home.

Pegan has turned 21 and I find it depressing that I can't be with her on her birthday. She spends it in Cape and me in Normal. Brittany's birthday falls on today and I bet she's overjoyed with all the wishes she's recieving. I would be.

Birthdays All Around!

The migraine day was quite the experience with closely passing out in Pot Belly's sandwich shop and being in the worst pain ever at home. The new medicine is working great for the headaches, but I haven't gotten used to the effects it has on me. I'm hoping I'll get balanced out this week.

Clinic is in full swing for me and my homework is at an all time high. My anxiety is at an all time high. Time is whirring by me at lightning speed.

I don't have enough time.

I'm not getting enough sleep.

I hope that this semester leaves me still sane and healthy.

Packed Days

Today I went to this hospital...

and tested the most beautiful one day old baby boy. He looked perfect. Too bad his hearing was less than par today. I went through about 100 tests to prove I wasn't a drug addict who is going to steal everyone's babies. I understand the precaution and I respect it, but it was very uncomfortably long.

I then came home and spaced out for a good two hours. This was the highlight of my day..

Class tonight was an episode of the twilight zone with flashbacks from this summer and last semester. It makes me love life and pet puppies..

School, you destroy me.

Back Here.

I am back in Bloomington Normal, IL. The city where educational dreams are made of. I feel indifferent about being here.

Nothing is new anymore.

It is all worn off.

I rose this morning on a journey to think out this semester so I embarked on a journey down the bike trail here. This trail is the only think that sets my mind out of the city. It's the only thing that reminds me of home because of the beautiful scenery that is observed after you walk out of town.

I'm a little disturbed at the fact that my textbooks didn't arrive on time and I have reading to do before tomorrow. It upsets me further that despite my efforts to borrow a copy from my cohorts, I have yet to be successful.

Welcome Back.

I have also decided that I am at the end of this phase in my life where I lie around lazily. I have decided I need to implement an exercise and healthier eat plan into my life. 

Today I start a new beginning.

Yellow Apples have never tasted so sweet.

Now it is time to start preparation.

Let's get ready for life.

So life is a mess of tangles that grows together like this beautiful tree. I have yet to gain the beauty of this naturous being.

Life has also become separated as of recently. I am separated in the fact that I have begun another long departure away from my dearest.

 

He is the love of my life.

I only hope that when him and I finally do get to live in one household, we will be able to tolerate each other's presence. I fear for our growing apart.

....

Life leads me in with these crossed and tangled branches of myself and leaves me tied in knots. I am so frantic over beginning this school year that I have already begun splitting myself into different people. The person who I magically get cast into when I enter southern Illinois and the other.

 

The one who lives here gasping for air.

The floating ghost who is desperately searching for them self.

The owl of the night.

I pray that one day I synthesize into one person again and the former takes over the latter. Only time holds the secret.

Each day I hope for miracles and awaken still breathing.

That is all I can ask for.

It's only day one of my departure.

Oh boy.