Thursday, August 14, 2014

Wandering Polarities

a :  lodestone
: a magnetic rock
:  magnetite possessing polarity
:  something that strongly attracts
b :  a body having the property of attracting iron and producing a magnetic field external to itself; specifically :  a mass of iron, steel, or alloy that has this property artificially imparted. Something that attracts <a box-office magnet

The polarity between two people and what makes them attract has to be opposing. A north and a south pole, a negative and positive. People only work together when they differ. Although this polarity is what makes them attract, it only works within proximity. When the physical or emotional distance between these two plates varies greatly, the magnetic field no longer intertwines. The poles just drift in space in hopes of one day cycling through themselves to find that magnetic attraction again.
I call this separation stealth mode. Every long and short lasting relationship goes through cycles of stealth mode. When they feel threatened or want to hide due to the extenuating circumstances at hand. When they feel lost from one another.
Stealth mode: An aircraft-design characteristic consisting of oblique angular construction and avoidance of vertical surfaces that is intended to produce a very weak radar return.
Or as I like to refer to it as wandering polarities.
I've went through this, more than likely we all have. Mike and I are one of the lucky few. We survived. I often feel like this is the main point in which most don't survive. I'm deeply sorry if you are reading this and you weren't so lucky and/ or if you are still a wandering polarity. I want to tell you that it is easy and that you will get out of it soon, but that's what's tough about the whole situation. You're wandering through space in stealth mode expecting the other polarity to magically collide with you even though you've spent so much time trying to hide yourself from them either intentionally or unintentionally.
It's a slippery slope really, wandering polarities. They don't just drift apart suddenly. There are series of events that lead up to cast aways. Maybe there were years of hurting each other, personal emotional crisis, or life just happened all at once. I don't think it is ever really intentional or that any one single couple can help this.
The point is that you have to run through quicksand towards each other to regain your magnetic field. Even if it hurts and you're tired.  
Before Mike and I were married we were counseled by the wonderful man that married us, Bud Sork. He had recently lost his beloved wife and was going through a very trying time when he counseled us. I remember sitting at his kitchen table in Eldorado. He was drying dishes and gathering his thoughts about what exactly he wanted us to know about marriage in relationships in that one sitting. I'm sure he could have written a book, but the one thing he turned around and said to us was this.
You will have good days, excellent days where you revel in everything you have between yourselves. When you feel invincible to outside temptation and demolition. These days will be equally if not unequally matched with days where you want to get in your car and go to the gas station up the street and fill it up. Then take off driving in the opposing direction. You'll want to drive all night until you run out of gas and when that happens you'll take off running as fast as you can until you can't run anymore only to feel like you still aren't far enough from her (he was looking at Mike). He then stopped and sighed and said whatever you do don't do it. Fight that temptation with all you have because the feeling will pass. One day you'll deeply regret ever feeling that temptation. One day either of you may not have the other to hug.
It's been almost six years since this conversation was offered to me. Though brief, it is a powerful one.

While those words did not originate from me. I offer them to everyone.
Love your other half.
Especially if they are in stealth mode,
Fight for them and find them.

If you are the wandering polarity,
Shake yourself and have a long discussion with your opposite.
Make it known that you need help pulling yourself back in.
Beg them for guidance and a map on how to get back.

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